Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
