The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
