If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
