I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
