hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the day after is always just damage control
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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