Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
