Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
