Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
