we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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