either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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