she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
