I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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