Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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