a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
