just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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