She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
