I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
