She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
