whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am midnight drunk by noon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
