Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
