i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
