I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
