I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
