he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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