So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
