If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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