She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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