mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize