Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
