Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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