do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
