I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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