I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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