i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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