you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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