Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
my liver is dry heaving
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
