I cannot find my penis.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
