i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
