In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
