I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
