I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
