mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
