What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
