it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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