BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
