The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
