It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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