insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
