why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Someone came in the potted fern
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
