What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
