Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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