so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
