my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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